Boy, these get harder as the days go on!
Does ANYBODY ever forget their first love? Some people were lucky enough to marry them.
I got close.
Derek-my first love. I was 21 and he was 33 when we started dating. Then came the moving in part, then the diamond ring.
The red flag or shall I say flags (plural) was that by the age of 33, Derek had already been married and divorced TWICE. Now, I didn't blame the first one on him, as his first wife at the age of 18 left him for another woman (that's just really messed up there). The second wife, wanted a lot of babies and wanted them right away and he wanted to enjoy his marriage a few years before doing all that and she didn't agree with it so she cheated on him.
So, Derek and I were madly in love. I mean, we would finish each other's sentences. Eat at restaurants and read the paper and not even have to say a word as each other's company was enough. Every Saturday, we'd go to our favorite Mexican restaurant and then a movie. Every night, we played scrabble.
Sunday mornings, we would wake up, clean up the house and do the laundry as fast as we could so we wouldn't have to worry about it the rest of the weekend. Then, he would sit and watch me lovingly while I made homemade pancakes and bacon and coffee. On rainy days, we'd open the french doors to the backyard and read Kurt Vonnegutt books in our recliners. We would work on the huge garden I planted (one year, we won the award for best yard in the neighborhood). We would pull weeds together. Weeds. Weed.
Grass!
POP! The sweet bubble of that life just burst. Weed. Derek loved weed. I liked it okay. I had my other vices. Derek was an all American guy-tall, blonde, blue eyes...built. But, he loved that weed. He would smoke it in the morning before work, come home and smoke it as soon as he walked in the door. Then of course, the whole weekend was weed, weed, weed. Now, I am not innocent. I partook of my fair share.
But, it just got old after a few years. I suppose I grew up, but he didn't . Plus, I got through college by the end of our relationship and my career was really taking off and drug testing was a new thing in my life (he owned his own business so it didn't matter).
As we grew more and more as a couple, we grew farther apart because I wanted him to at least cut down ( I didn't want to breathe it in and risk losing my job). Soon, he had it in his head that "we should just live together forever and not be married, but you still wear the ring because the whole institution of marriage is stupid man." Ouch.
So, I moved out. Just down the street ( I was trying to make a point but it became mute because I spent everyday at his house anyway, so I pretty much threw rent down the toilet). I thought if I moved out then he would know I meant business. Nothing changed. It was then I knew someday that the inevitable was probably going to happen, I just didn't want it to. I mean, we we perfect in every way except for those two subjects-marriage and his addiction to pot.
One day-it happened. I blew. He blew. We both spewed words that were hurtful, ones we didn't mean but could never take back. I went home.
I cried everyday. We didn't speak for 3 months. Once we did, we'd go out to dinner and act as a couple again. Sometimes for a weekend. Sometimes for a week. But it was never the same. And, he still loved his pot.
Over the years we repeated this. On again off again. We didn't want to let each other go. Eventually, I started dating again and so did he.
We would talk like friends about our new relationships. Then always get back together.
They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.
We were the poster children of insanity then.
One day, he found Heather. Heather was a pretty girl, a lawyer, nice. He always compared her to me though and she was never good enough.....or so he thought then.
With a heavy heart, I cut all ties to Derek. He would email me from time to time. I had to let him go though.
I heard through a friend that Heather made him go to rehab after an ultimatum.
I just found Heather recently on Facebook- with Derek's last name.
He finally got married. To a great girl.
Good for Derek!
It's my turn now!
~Stephanie
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