So Now What? So Now What? ~ Justify my love ! -Madonna

http://zaphod.uk.vvhp.net/v-v/100128094917

I am strong because I am weak. I'm beautiful because I know my flaws. I'm a lover because I am a fighter. I'm fearless because I have been afraid. I'm wise because I have been foolish. & I can laugh because I Have known sadness. - Author Unknown


So, yeah, I'm a jackass. I admit it. I bring things on myself (most of the time).  I'm certainly not the same woman and I mean WOMAN as compared to "girl" perhaps say...a year or more ago? OH P.S. ASS is a word used IN THE BIBLE, so stop trying to flag my blog as offensive.
That shit irritates me (that last sentence, go ahead, flag me, I just dropped the S bomb).


Okay back on the topic here. Still perplexed as to why, why oh why someone would talk babies and marriage and give you roses one day to ....having doubts and being scared. My best girlfriend thinks he had a GAY vibe all along. Well, okay, that's a plausible explanation. I can deal with that. I mean, I have gay friends, and albeit I am not that way, God taught me to love all people and that it is not MY place to judge but it is his....so I leave that up to..GOD. I love without judging unless you are REALLY EVIL.


So, I did the whole blocking the number thing. Took him out of my email contacts. ALMOST..and I do mean ALMOST-went on Craigslist  (cause I know he sells stuff on there, I go on there when I can't sleep and laugh at the personals out of boredom). So , then what do I do? My dumb ass emails him pleading to please....give me SOME explanation.  Last I heard  "THIS IS NONE OF YOUR FAULT." Okay. PLEASE EXPLAIN!!!!!! Haven't heard back-so am not really surprised, considering how fast everything took a turn (head is still spinning and no, I haven't had a drink).


So.......now what?  Well, I have these options.... 1). MED SCHOOL (as in M.D.), yes, I'm smart. I know this. Not trying to sound arrogant, but I know my strengths.  2). Movie Part (MIB3)- Great exposure casted in a major movie, 10 scenes, but at the age of 32- I would already be considered a "washout". Besides, NO ONE is going to tell me to implant my chest or starve to look like the status quo (I will leave that to Paris Hilton, or whomever is "hot" right now, I don't even know, that is how much I care). 3). Go to work for the Dept. Of Interior BIA-was recruited to do so. Great pay. Boot camp. Federal job (Starting at GS9-11).


Date? Hahaha. Who REALLY wants to be a rebound? I'm kinda in a conundrum there. 


Well, you know what?  It's MY vacation. And, I fit in a size 3-4 bikini right now. And ya know what? It was from eating right and working out. I earned it. I look pretty darned good. Let the chips fall where they may.... I'm gonna "keep on truckin."
I'm gonna take life day by day. I'm going to enjoy the company of my many friends the next few days. I'm going to swim and splash and make some killer salads. I may even paint or write some kick ass prose.   But nothing....nothing, is going to get in my way.


"HERE I AM, ROCK ME LIKE A HURRICANE."          


P.S. I love cliche's- can you tell? (Smirk).

Jaded.......

So, I haven't written my blog in a while. I was too busy "being in love."

So, tell me what love is?  Because, I thought it was there...finally, within my grasps, no holds barred.

They say if something is too good to be true it usually is. Um YEAH, that was an understatement in this case.
So, one day a person is talking marriage and babies and POOF, the next day he's scared and doesn't know what he wants. FML. FML.  Time and energy invested. Many nights staying up late after 12 hour shifts at work watching movies, cooking, laughing...all that to -NOTHING.

So, I've done the crying thing (haven't in 4 days maybe), the hiding under the covers thing (I don't recommend that-I've found it's better to go for a walk in the sunshine). Tried to literally work out the anger by exercising (works pretty well).

So, what to do next.....hmmm...I could go into the Army. Private Benjamin style (hehehe).   Or, I can just keep being myself. I'm gonna go lie by the pool with my tanned self. Have a huge salad in a bit -not because I think I'm fat , but because I care what I put into my body.  I'm going to paint on my balcony facing the mountains. I'm going to go back to the gym, and when I turn a few heads, I will do what I can to not attract attention, but I will smile knowing that I still have my mojo.     Take a walk on the Bosque-perhaps all the way to Corrales today.

Take a nap-because I work hard and deserve it.

Love myself-because, I am pretty freaking amazing. I KNOW THIS. You don't have to tell me.
He lost.  I win.     I'm gonna keep on smiling. :)

30 Days of Truth-LOVERS and HATERS

HATERS-yeah, you. I know who you are. You flagged my blog as "offensive." Whatever. No foul language was used. I've had debates over more petty stuff than the stuff I've written on this blog. So, keep hatin if ya want...but you won't stop me from writing.
So, that's all I'll say about the subject of hate, because it's just not a subject I care for. I don't hate. I do hate that I have to work on my day off at 3p.m. today, but hey, at least I got to sleep in a little.

LOVERS-yeah you. You know who you are.

I have two loves in my life. One is a platonic love (this kid is like a son to me).
He brightens my day with his smiley faces that he sends me. I get a kick out of seeing his pictures of himself flying through the air with a skateboard. Such a great kid this one is. So proud of him (his report card was awesome). Has model good looks but he's so unpretentious and I suspect he could care less that he's going to have to fight off the girls in the next few years. Good lord have mercy on his parents! ;-)

Then, there's Brian. Wonderful, sweet, caring, Brian. Always makes sure I'm fed (like I need it LOL). Rescued a stray from death row. Cares for people all day long and doesn't bitch.

Wears a diabetic pump, has to watch his diet, and never gripes. Always smiles.
Hung curtains for his pregnant friend last night ( I promise he did, I was there).

Leaves me sweet notes and little surprises in my purse. It's the little things ya know.

Here's what blew me away about Brian though (today).
Well, let me back up.

Brian knows pretty much everything about me that I can think of. I told myself that in this relationship, I would hold nothing back. He knows my less than to be desired past. He knows my less than to be desired idiosynchrocies.

He knows I've battled depression, addiction, laziness, bitchiness....you name it, I've dealt with it.

This morning, I had a horrible nightmare. Hadn't had a nightmare in a long time. This one was really really bad. I woke up bawling.
I won't go into details...but I told him all about the nightmare ( I mean, I woke the poor guy up by jumping nearly to the roof). He listened.  I was afraid he was going to think I was Charlie Sheen's next goddess- needing a Halcion/Lithium cocktail the size of a Big Gulp or something.

He just looked at me, very endearingly. He hugged me. And he said something that NO MAN HAS EVER SAID TO ME: "I love you, so, I will take the bad and the good."  Then he held me tight and I was calm and comforted.

Yes. I'm smitten. Where did this angel come from?

~Steph

What is love?

Love is many things to different people.

Here's my take on it:

Love is when you wake up next to your significant other before he/she does...and you take pleasure in just watching them sleep.

Love is thinking about your sweetie in the middle of the day ....and it instantly calms you and makes everything better.

Love is making coffee and having it ready for your sweetie when he/she wakes up.
It's making pancakes and bacon together on a Sunday morning- and reading the paper and not having to say a word because each other's company is suffiicient enough to where no words need be spoken.

Love is when you have the flu or a virus and the other person will hold your hair back while you get sick.
Love is spontaneous kisses or a hug for no reason....just because, well, you love them.

Love is when the other person warms up your car for you and/or gets the snow and ice off of it too.

Love is snuggling on the couch watching movies all day in your pajamas.
Love is seeing each other unshowered, no teeth brushed, disheveled- but each person still sees beauty.

Love is always wanting to be a better person-for the both of each other.

Love is inspiring- which is why I wrote this blog today.
Love.  My love. How inspiring he is indeed.

~SN

30 Days Of Truth-A kind deed you did that no one knows about.

Wow, um, so if I tell you about this then I will blow my cover!

But, the "30 Days Of Truth" assignment is about being very honest. So here it goes I guess.

I've been in the optometry/opthalmology field since I was 17.  I'm certified in surgical assisting, a certified paraoptometrist, and a certified Visx Star 4 Laser operator. Now, I'm not telling you this to brag. I'm telling you this to lead up to something.

I won't name any names in this situation. We'll just say I had a very very good friend whom I loved dearly.
Said friend and I had a big falling out.
Before the falling out, said friend's sister and brother in law asked for my help interpreting medical records from an ophthalmologist because the brother in law was hit on his motorcycle by a guy with glaucoma in advanced stages.
I told them I would help in any way I could.

Months after the falling out between the friend and I, I get a call from the attorney of the former friend's sister and brother in law asking me to consult with him and help him "understand" about 50 pages of records showing progression of the defendant's glaucoma.

Now, I didn't have to do it. I almost didn't . I had decided to cut all ties, but then I thought back at how good to me these people were that were asking for my help. You see, because of this guy that KNEW he was almost completely blind but drove anyway-caused a good man his livelihood. And, I hate that for him.

So, I agreed. Last Sunday (my only day off these days), I met with the attorney. I confirmed that indeed, the man that hit my former friend's brother in law was in fact almost blind and didn't see the motorcycle coming.

I explained eye anatomy and helped the attorney understand.  I gave him resources to research the eye disease. I gave him 3 hours of my time-actually 4 if you count the drive.

I was offered compensation for my time, but that is not what I went there for.

Albeit, the former friend and I are not on talking terms, that person still has nice relatives that were done wrong and I really hope that the justice system works for them. I mean, the guy who got hit will be in pain the rest of his life-but hopefully, just maybe-maybe my knowledge will help win the case and the guy can be in pain in Hawaii instead of New Mexico.

So, why am I telling you all this?

Because- I realize life is not all about me. It's about all of us helping each other out- isn't that the way it should be?

~SN

30 Days Of Truth-A hero who has let you down.

I'll never forget what my good friend Josh said about 6 or so years ago. It always stuck with me, and to me it has always been true for me......... "Don't need a damned hero."

The End.

30 Days Of Truth-A hero who has let you down.

I'll never forget what my good friend Josh said about 6 or so years ago. It always stuck with me, and to me it has always been true for me......... "Don't need a damned hero."

The End.